Author Topic: Funnies  (Read 14451 times)

Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #75 on: March 19, 2024, 06:44:35 PM »
A twist on an old question:

If a man falls over in a forest and his wife isn't there to see it is he still wrong?.
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Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #74 on: January 15, 2024, 06:17:04 PM »
Stolen from the BBC website:

Don't worry about the freezing conditions, sit in the corner, its always 90degrees 8)

I think a Basil Brush "Boom Boom" would be appropriate
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Offline MartinR

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #73 on: December 30, 2023, 12:21:02 PM »

Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #72 on: December 02, 2023, 05:06:35 PM »
A friend of mine has sent me a caution to be careful on the roads on the run up to Xmas.

It seems many men will have a drink, and let their wife drive... :o
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Offline Local Hiker

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #71 on: October 05, 2023, 08:50:43 PM »
A High 101 to that joke...

Offline MartinR

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #70 on: October 04, 2023, 02:59:24 PM »
Also seen on a tee-shirt:

There are 10 sorts of people, those that understand binary and those that don't.

Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #69 on: October 04, 2023, 01:09:43 PM »
I found a t shirt online with the following motto on it…

My wife says that I have two faults

I don’t listen

And er something else


A bit too true so I won’t be buying one😎
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Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #68 on: March 11, 2023, 06:02:00 PM »
An elderly couple were in church when the wife turned to her husband and whispered "I've done a long silent fart, what shall I do?". To which he replied "buy a new battery for your hearing aid"
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Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #67 on: March 08, 2023, 06:00:58 PM »
Found this amusing comment on an electronics forum:As you well know, foolproof methods merely create more ingenious fools.
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Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #66 on: November 04, 2022, 10:55:07 AM »
Although amusing, this phrase is just a bit too true sometimes:
Never ascribe to conspiracy that which can be explained by incompetence.
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Offline johnfilmer

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #65 on: May 04, 2022, 06:39:33 PM »
 As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies," and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you."
  But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
  Mother Superior was surprised, but decided not to pursue it.
  Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years. They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
  She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant.
  Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face, "Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
  Mother Superior was floored. "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me."
  Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye. "Oh dear, don't take it personally. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!"
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Offline Dave Smith

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #64 on: December 17, 2021, 12:55:10 PM »
A little old lady was at the bank & asked the teller for $10. I'm sorry but we only do $100 cash, you will have to use the ATM machine outside. Then I want to withdraw ALL my money from the bank, she said. He looked at her account & it was $300,000. Lady, I'm afraid that we don't have that much in cash for you to withdraw without an appointment. Then how much can I withdraw? Well $3,000 is the limit. Ok, I'll withdraw $3,000. So the teller counts out & hands her $3,000. Peeling off a $10 bill, she hands the rest back, would you now please deposit $2,990 for me! Moral, " Don't mess with elders, they've been around a long time & know the ropes"!

Offline Dave Smith

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #63 on: December 14, 2021, 03:01:57 PM »
A group of tourists were viewing all the crocodiles at a farm & one said to the owner, "they look pretty menacing".He replied, "Oh yes, they are & I'll give $1million to anyone who jumps in among them". Nobody moved, then suddenly one man jumped in & swam for his life, hotly pursued by all the crocs. He just about made it & stood shaking on the bank. The owner rushed across to lead him to safety & said, " that was very brave jumping in like that". His reply, "I didn't jump, I was pushed". His wife just smiled. Moral; behind every successful man, there a wife.

Offline smiler

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #62 on: November 29, 2021, 08:04:36 PM »
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.

Offline MartinR

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #61 on: November 21, 2021, 01:35:17 PM »
Have you noticed how some adverts end with the command: "Keep away from children"?  Good advice generally I suppose!